You Can't Script... Well, You Know

"Brian F***ING Anderson!!!" Those were my exact words as the White Sox beat the Twins tonight to finally win the AL Central. Earlier in the evening, my mom had remarked that "Chicagoland must be struck with baseball fever right now." At this point, it's more like a full blown plague. The Cubs and Sox are both in the playoffs for the first time since 1906: that's a stat that will be certainly be tossed around by the (awful) TBS commentators this week. The dream of a Red Line Series is (for now) a real possibility, thanks to the lights out pitching from Danks, Brian F***ing Anderson's amazing catch, JI

JIM Thome's bomb of a home run (it's a Dugout thing), Griffey's cannon of an arm and AJ's heck of a tag. Of course, my beloved Red Sox, though they're limping, are in the mix as well. It's going to be a fun October.

You may know many of these, but I'll share ESPN The Magazine's 102 Chicago Style Facts to mark the occasion, one for each year since such a post-season event has occurred. God, I love baseball (and parentheses, if you hadn't noticed). Bring on October!

TIME TO PANIC OMG

Look, there's absolutely nothing funny about the financial crisis our country currently finds itself in. The numbers are terrifying. The Dow Jones faced its "biggest single-day fall ever," including a paper loss of $1 TRILLION dollars. In case math isn't your thing, that's $300 billion more than the proposed $700 billion bailout which failed to pass a House vote earlier today. Market strategists are making comforting statements like "things are dying and breaking apart." It is bad times all around, and I would be lying if I told you that I understood even half of what's going on.

I'd also be lying if I said that I didn't wish the Trib had added an "OMG" to the end of this headline:


What can I say: I'm easily amused, even in the icy-cold grip of a recession.

Bears vs. Eagles - By the Numbers

Number on the jersey I wore to tonight's Bears victory over the Eagles:

Number on the jersey worn by the player who scored the Bears' first touchdown:


Number of drunken Eagles fans who stepped on my foot and then refused to apologize because of the jersey I was wearing: 1

Number of times Donovan McNabb got sacked: 3

Number of times the Bears stopped the Eagles cold on 4th and goal: 1

Number of field goals David Akers wishes he hadn't missed: 2

Number of fans who chanted "E-A-G-L-O-S-S" after the game: 1

Number of Bears wins I've been at this season:

1

My Sister, The Tattoo Artist

My sister Jessica has always been a talented painter:



Hot, right? After years of trying to turn her passion into a profession, Jess is now licensed as a tattoo artist. If you're ever in Providence and want some ink done, Black Lotus is the place to go. When I get my next tattoos (the ideas have been percolating for a while now), she's my girl. I just wanted to show off her work and congratulate her, because she deserves it. Oh, and by the way, she's hot, too:

I'm so proud of you, Jess. XOXOXO!

Gives You Hell

It sounds JUST like LFO's "Every Other Time." It's dumb and repetitive. We'll never play it on Q101.1. And it's been 100% stuck in my head since yesterday afternoon. Thanks a LOT, Annie. :)

Pretty Women, Playful Poses

Joey O sent me a piece of writing by Henry Rollins earlier today. It's a blog entry he wrote for Vanity Fair, entitled "Are We Really Going to Elect Sleepy John?" You may not agree with his politics, but I admire his passion and writing style. HOWEVER. As I finished reading his post-DNC and RNC thoughts, my eyes were drawn to a lovely photograph of a sultry brunette, who turned out to be Mila Kunis:


Photograph by Matthew Rolston
First thought: whoa, THAT'S Jackie from That 70's Show? Second thought: whoa, she was born in the former Soviet Union? Third thought: whoa, there are a whole bunch of these! In Vanity Fair's own words:

Since 1992, the magazine’s Vanities section has opened with a full-page portrait of a promising young star. In September 2006, we tweaked the format: the Vanities opener now features an up-and-coming actress in a 50s-style pinup shot. These shapely ingénues are on the cusp of fame or have just hit it big; they have names you need to know and faces you won’t have trouble remembering. Here’s a look at all the bombshells who’ve struck a playful pose in the new retro style.

The photos are beautiful, and the choices are sublime. Carla Gugino, Kristen Bell and Isla Fisher stood out for me: I'm sure you'll find your own favorites. Here's the entire gallery. Happy browsing.

Five Thoughts

• I absolutely adored Burn After Reading. It's insanely quotable, vulgar and smart at the same time, and totally absurd. Plus, it has a phenomenal cast being very, very funny - special kudos to Brad Pitt. I think "the RAW intelligence" is poised to become one of my daily phrases. If you dig the Coen Brothers and the phrase "what the f*ck," don't miss it.
• Tacos are awesome. They are even more awesome when they're made at home, with love and extra sour cream.
• In case you needed more proof that Tina Fey rules: three Emmys, humor AND humility.
  
• "Are we human, or are we dancer?" That's the question posed by the new Killers song, "Human." I might have been able to forgive its joyless and unoriginal synth-pop sound if not for Brandon Flowers' poor grammar. Alas.
  
• Now THIS is a cool piece of music, and my sonic obsession of the moment. The Hood Internet also rules.
  

Bad Movie... Good Videos

A few weeks ago, I bemoaned the fact that September 19th held nothing but dreck in the movie theatres. It amuses me greatly to read a review of one such example, My Best Friend's Girl, that started with this line:

Want to spend a seemingly endless 100 minutes watching a dullard trying to decide between a douchebag and a eunuch?

Glorious. I don't think I'd be slamming this movie so much if it didn't sully the good names of the classic Cars song (which I really do enjoy) and a lesser known but still great track from the band Electrasy. (No, I am not partial to them because of their name.) They also wrote a beautiful song called "Morning Afterglow," which still brings back fond memories of my college radio days:


Remember when Coldplay got all that attention for their creatively crazy video for "The Scientist?"


That video came out in 2002. Electrasy did it in 1998, just on a smaller scale. Just sayin'. Both videos are more inventive than most of the crap from this year's VMAs by a mile. Also, both songs bring a single tear to my eye. I'm a sucker for heartfelt piano ballads, what can I say?

In conclusion, I'll grudgingly admit that I have My Best Friend's Girl to thank for reminding me about Electrasy. That doesn't mean I'm going to spend my money on it, though. I think Sauce and I are going to see Burn After Reading instead. Hope you enjoy this final weekend of summer... sigh.

In Which I Write WAY Too Much About Ben Folds Five

One of my all-time favorite bands, Ben Folds Five, reunited tonight in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. It's the first time they've played together in eight years. Two of my Philly phriends, Josh and Liz, were lucky enough to be there, and hopefully I'll be lucky enough to get full details/photographic proof when they return. I celebrated the night by wearing a twelve-year old t-shirt, which looks like this on the front:

...and this on the back:

I also pulled out one of my prized possessions, a 7" single of "Where's Summer B.?"

...which features one of my favorite songs in their whole catalog (the B-side) and an adorable picture of the trio (yes, they're a trio - Ben just preferred the sound of Ben Folds Five to Ben Folds Three):

I know there's at least ONE person... err... creature... who's a little curious about this band:

...so I thought I'd share my TOP TEN BEN FOLDS FIVE SONGS OF ALL TIME EVER to mark the occasion.

1) "Best Imitation of Myself," Ben Folds Five: This is the song that made me sit up straight in my bed one morning after my clock radio woke me for school and say, "what IS this song? This is AMAZING!" This is the song that made me fall in love with the band. It sounds fun and happy, but it's actually sadly introspective.

2) "Evaporated," Whatever and Ever, Amen: Now THIS is a sad song that sounds sad. It's beautiful, and it's a tear-jerker. A lovely way to finish the disc.

3) "For Those Of Y'All Who Wear Fanny Packs," Naked Baby Photos: Absolutely awesomely absurd. This is what happens when these three guys start improvising. Cursing, allen wrenches, tasty, tasty high hat, and a lot of quotable lyrics.

4) "Kate," Whatever and Ever, Amen: How many perfect pop songs mention the Bhagavad Gita? Only one.

5) "The Last Polka," Ben Folds Five: The best break-up song in their catalog, although not the most well-known one: "well, I hate that it's come to this, but baby, I was doing fine: how do you think that I survived the other twenty-five before you?"

6) "Song for the Dumped," Whatever and Ever, Amen: The second best break-up song in their catalog. "And don't forget my black t-shirt," indeed.

7) "Tom and Mary (live)," Where's Summer B?: There's a studio version of this on Naked Baby Photos, but I prefer the live one. It has always reminded me of "Lady Madonna," for the Beatles fans in the house.

8) "Magic," The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: My favorite song on this album (and the only one to make this list) isn't even written by Ben: it's written by Darren Jessee, the drummer. Let me show you this conversation between me and another Philly phriend, the one and only Joey O:

me: I just love the drums
Joey: bum-BUMM!!!
and the best sha-la-lie's around
suck it, Paul Simon

Awesome.

9) "The Ultimate Sacrifice," Naked Baby Photos: A sixteen year old Electra went to see her favorite band at Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel in Providence, Rhode Island, on May 28th, 1997. She heard the band's frontman say "BRACE YOURSELF! BRACE YOUR FAT ASSES!!! FOR SOME GUT-WRENCHING... METAAAAAAAAL!" She then heard "metal" as performed by piano, bass and drums, with a loooooot of ridiculous falsetto. The next year, what she heard showed up as track #10 on Naked Baby Photos. I like to think I can hear myself in the crowd... but who am I kidding.

10) "Underground," Ben Folds Five: This was my true introduction to the band, though "Best Imitation of Myself" really made me fall in love. "Twelve Cuts Above the Rest" is WBRU's Friday night countdown of the top new songs of the week, and back in the day, I used to wait to leave the house until I heard "Underground" make an appearance. It's true. I never WAS cool in school. But I think by now, some of those people remember me.

In the article I linked to, Ben says he doesn't really see any of the band members having time in the foreseeable future to do a legitimate reunion, which is too bad. At least I'll always have the memory of being in the front row at Lupo's, eye-level with Ben's black and white striped socks, singing my heart out like only a teenage girl can.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Sauce and I will be live blogging tonight's Monday Night Football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles over at The Awesome Meltdown. This is, as Stuart Scott just reminded me, one of the fiercest rivalries in the NFL. I'm pulling for the Eagles, if only because Jessica Simpson is an idiot.

Please join us if you feel so inclined. Sauce will be handling the play-by-play; I've got the color. Game starts at 7:30 Central, and we'll be getting settled around 7:15. Remember, the magic of archiving means the blog can be enjoyed even after we've finished our mockery. I mean analysis.

Here's the link. See you there!

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad...

Let's get the bad out of the way first: it was obviously a rough weekend. Rain, rain and more rain, culminating with Cook County being declared a state of emergency earlier today. Block Party wasn't the glorious outdoor affair we hoped or planned for, but under the circumstances, everyone involved did a great job of making something out of nothing. I can't take any credit for that, either: the cold I'd been fighting all week knocked me out of commission. Once I started running a fever on Saturday, I figured my body was trying to tell me something. I've spent most of the past few days in my pajamas, surrounded by kleenex, cough drops and Theraflu. The timing sucked, and I'm disappointed. Here's to more Vitamin C in my future (even if the cold-preventing benefits are still somewhat unproven).

No need to discuss the Bears game. There's really only one word you need to describe the outcome, anyway: disappointing.

But there were good things:

• Z'S NO HITTER OMGOMGOMG!
• My little brother ran his first half marathon, and even though I couldn't be there to support him, I'm proud as a sister can be. He broke two hours: not too shabby considering the conditions!
• Tina Fey's phenomenal impression of Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live (thank you YouTube): it's possibly the best thing I've seen on that show in years, made even funnier by the fact that Sarah Palin admits to having dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween. I dared to hope that this would happen, and I was not disappointed. Amy Poehler did a darn fine job too:

And now, with TheraFlu in my tummy, I bid you goodnight, and hope tomorrow brings a brighter, drier day.

DSRL! DSRL! DSRL! DSRL!

Look, I know things got a little heavy in that last entry. So in the spirit of fandom that I spoke so passionately about yesterday, I'd like to share the newest sport that has captured a place in my heart: the Double Stuf Racing League.



And of course, the theme song:



It's the league of the future, for the mighty and the bold, and it is on like Donkey Kong.

Thoughts on Tom Brady

On September 30th, 2001, I attended a Patriots game at Foxboro Stadium. I felt excited to have the rare opportunity to see my hometown team up close and personal with family and friends, but I can't say that we were overly optimistic. Some kid from Michigan had taken over the starting quarterback job for the injured Drew Bledsoe, and we figured the Colts would kick the crap out of us. But miss the game? Miss the chance to chant and cheer? Of course not. A fan loves his/her team through the good times, the bad times, and the sheared blood vessel times.

I still remember how still the crowd seemed during our national anthem, less than three weeks after 9/11 and just about 200 miles from New York City. I remember the mingled feelings of pride and vulnerability that swirled in my gut as our flag waved over the 60,000+ people gathered in the crowd. I also remember thinking that while we often place too much emphasis on them, sports can bring families and communities together in times of crisis and sorrow. We all stood together, hands over our hearts, united by our common love for our team. We stood taller and stronger because we stood together.

There's no need for me to remind you about what the kid from Michigan and the Patriots did that season or in the seasons that have followed. ESPN has done enough of that. (I'll admit that ESPN even makes me cringe with their over saturated coverage of the Patriots and Red Sox. I'd much rather fly under the radar than be constantly scrutinized.) Now that kid from Michigan, with his three Super Bowl rings, his model girlfriend and his magazine covers, is having season-ending surgery on his knee. ESPN gets another chance to sling around hyperbole about a football team that the entire country has been sick of hearing about for years. A kid from USC gets the chance to take over the starting quarterback job.

Meanwhile, some New Englanders will claim that the sky has fallen, and some journalists will anoint Brett Favre the new king of the AFC East. Plenty of non-New Englanders have already taken to the web crying "karma" and "cheaters," laughing gleefully at other people's misfortune. That's to be expected: schadenfreude is neither new nor original. It IS a fine song from Avenue Q, though it's not as great as "The Internet Is for Porn."

As for me: sure, I'm disappointed - in large part because I took Tom Brady with my first round pick in one of my fantasy leagues, as a lot of people did. Look, no knee injury, no devastating Super Bowl loss, and none of the unimaginative guys with computers or sports columns can take away the fact that the Patriots have brought me a lot of joy - with more to come. Being a sports fan has brought me closer to my family, my friends, and Jets fans in St. Louis bars. It's helped me snag a die hard Bears fan for a boyfriend and made me root for them alongside him. It's who I am. I whined and complained on Sunday. I sighed when I heard the official news yesterday. But today, I know that even if my hometown team goes 1-15 from here on out (which they won't), I will still be a fan. Good times, bad times, and torn ligament times are all part of the package.


Get well soon, Brady. See you in '09. I'll be here.

To St. Louis and Back: Another Weekend Story

I just returned from my latest weekend jaunt: a trip to St. Louis for Mr. and Mrs. Jeff and Jennifer Fife's wedding. The ceremony itself was really wonderful. As I wrote in their guestbook, "any couple who incorporates 'The Princess Bride' into their wedding is destined for greatness." My second favorite part of the wedding was when Jeff (who will always be Woody to me) called Jen "the chocolate to my peanut butter, the yin to my yang... the gangsta to my rap." They put a lot of thought into making the ceremony both funny and moving: it was a fitting celebration for such a well-matched couple.

Susan and I arrived on Friday night, and the weekend was jam-packed until the very end. I caught up with old friends, made some new ones, and even found a Bears fan named Nikki in the hotel bar. We high-fived frequently during last night's AWESOME OMG Week 1 win over the Colts. Suddenly I feel like a genius for drafting Matt Forte to be my #2 running back: I really hope that feeling lasts. Also, upon arriving, I learned that our hotel was attached to a casino! That means CRAPS! Of course, I ended up giving said casino more of my money than I'm willing to admit. Oh well.

BEFORE giving a donation to the casino, I also found some Patriots fans in a bar called Joey B's on the Landing, as well as a - let's call him "vocal" - Jets fan. I don't think I've ever had so much fun yelling in a public place with people I'd never met before. Of course, I took a lot of (gentle) abuse regarding Tom Brady's season-ending knee injury, a situation that deserves its own blog entry. I'll get to that later. The moral of the story: after our teams won their games, the Jets fan bought me a shot for knowing my football. Sports really CAN bring people together!

Other highlights: the fabulous Beth Mott announcing that "you're not a mom until someone throws up in your bra," Susan sprawling across the hood of our rented Mustang in a pose that was more "passed-out drunk" than Tawny Kitaen, and both "holdin' it down" and "reppin'resentin'" with Ravey at the reception. Watching Ravey rebuff the dance floor advances of Menace was pretty darn fun too.

Sadly, I seem to have contracted one of those nasty post-flight colds, but otherwise, I'm a happy lady. I have a ton of great memories from a wonderful weekend. I get to watch Monday Night Football with my man and my big baby cat. (As an aside: Paul recently announced: "hey, maybe I should have taken Peterson instead of Addai." Oh, fantasy football regrets. I've had a few.) I have a delicious chicken sammich, and once I finish that, I have some DELICIOUS apple cinnamon TheraFlu to drink. Life is pretty good.

Beware the 19th of September

It's been a quiet week, with Tuesday night wings and beer, one last fantasy football draft, and one delicious shepard's pie. The quiet time was necessary, though: I'm headed to St. Louis for the weekend right after my show tomorrow. One of my former co-workers is getting married, which makes two weddings in a week! I'll be traveling sans Sauce this time, so I'll have to make goofy faces with Susan and Ravey instead.

However, I thought I'd warn you before I left that something horrible will be happening in two weeks. We've noticed a lot of commercials for some really AWFUL movies lately and realized that they're all coming out on the same day: September 19th. They are:

My Best Friend's Girl (a "comedy" starring Kate Hudson and Dane Cook, who I hope everyone realizes by now is not actually funny)

Lakeview Terrace (Samuel L. Jackson being a bad neighbor, a bad cop AND a bad m****rf****r... but in a PG-13 sort of way.)

Ghost Town (Poor Ricky Gervais has to play the "I see dead people" kid as an adult - for laughs!)

Igor (it's animated, and probably harmless, but when I see "Arsenio Hall" in the voice credits, I'm skeptical)

Dreck, all of it, and I say movie-goers should beware. Watch the trailers at the links, and tell me if maybe I'm just being too cynical and bitter in my (newly) old age.

As a counterpoint to my hate: I'm obsessed with the new Fall Out Boy song, "I Don't Care," which you can hear here. I think it sounds like "Personal Jesus" meets "S.O.S." by Rihanna: fun, upbeat, and perfect for these last few (sigh) days of summer.

Enjoy your weekend.

To Indy and Back: A Labor Day Weekend Story

Why are long weekends always too short? Here's my personal recap. I worked Friday night at Ten Lew Liquors in Waukegan. Everyone there was great to us, but let's face it: when you're in a liquor store on the Friday of Labor Day Weekend, you're not there to waste time. You need to get your drinks and get partying. Thankfully, Nicole and Marissa made wonderful companions - and worthy Pass the Pigs competitors - and Scabs made a surprise appearance, which brightened the evening.

Saturday I headed down to Indianapolis for a beautiful wedding and one of the most fun receptions of all time. Congrats to Mr. Andy and Dr. Angie Begle. I took several pics during the evening, but most of them are some variation of this:

...i.e. Pauly and I mugging for the camera. I had to be told several times to "please smile normally for once!" Overrated. My brother had the line of the night - to Angie, which was (and of course I'm paraphrasing): "You're a doctor. Didn't you think that maybe serving asparagus to 250 people AND having an open bar was going to make the men's bathroom smell terrible?" My brother ALSO has video of me dancing to "Ice, Ice, Baby," and if he values his life, that video will soon be destroyed. I also got low. I will not lie to you: my thighs are still sore from getting low. Low, low, low, low, low.. etc.

Eight of us also went to Steak 'n Shake after the reception. At 2am. In our wedding clothes. Classy? Yes.

After sleeping until roughly noonish... Central Time... we had a nice relaxing day at my brother's new place. He and his lady Liz have made it a beautiful home in a very short amount of time. Actual sports (tossing around the football), Wii Sports (bowling and tennis), and quality movie watching time ("I will splash the pot whenever the f*ck I please") made for a wonderful afternoon/evening/night.

Before we said goodbye to Indy,, I got to meet some of Paul's Valpo friends for lunch, which was every bit as fun as I expected. Then we headed up 65 to get back home. A listener had told me that mile marker 223 was when we'd start to get Q101 again: that was pretty accurate. "Praise You," "Closing Time," Sucked Out" AND "Battle Flag?" Rewind weekends are awesome. Any highlights/lowlights/embarrassing moments from your long weekend to share?

(By the way, I've been teaching my cat to fetch while I've been typing. He has a little foam "frisbee." I throw it, and he picks it up in his teeth and brings it back to me. I will have to video this someday. He is so awesome.)