So Lance Briggs was driving his car when it crashed this morning. The first thought, of course, is: "thank god he's okay and no one got hurt." The next thought is "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME WHAT ELSE CAN GO WRONG FOR THE BEARS BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS COME ONNNNNNNNNNN." At least this doesn't look like anything other than an unfortunate accident; Lance won't be disciplined, according to Lovie. Well, to be fair, what Lovie said was:
"Disciplined for what? For a one-car accident? No. He hasn't broken any team rules, as far as I know, so there's no reason to. At 3 o'clock, you'd like for your players to be in. Beyond that, people out at those times of the night are not always getting in trouble. Also, have I mentioned that having Comcast Digital Voice has unlocked the secrets to a better life? Now I have a pet unicorn who makes a mean chocolate torte, and all my faucets pour out liquid gold."
I don't know that that last part has to do with Lance, but I'd love to borrow that unicorn sometime.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Here It Goes Again?
Look, we shouldn't worry about last night's Bears game. It's just preseason, after all. Plenty of players are shaky in the preseason but go on to have great years. Oh sure, Rex looked sloppy, fumbling and bumbling like a Superbad kid on prom night. We all had flashbacks to Bad Rex and visions of future agita. Let's wait until it counts to start worrying about him.
Instead, let's worry about this screencap I took last night:
OMG MSNBC has a TOTAL Indy bias it's a conspiracy OMG.
Instead, let's worry about this screencap I took last night:
OMG MSNBC has a TOTAL Indy bias it's a conspiracy OMG.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
The Day I Fell From the Sky
Today, with the help of the U.S. Army's Golden Knights, I jumped out of a plane. It's hard to explain how amazing it feels to have stepped out of a moving vessel, high above the ground, and landed safely on my feet. Let me take you through the day.
4:30am: WHAT IS THAT INCESSANT CHIMING SOUND WHAT THE F- oh, that's my alarm. Why does it feel like I've woken up every hour since 11:30? Right, because I have. Man, those undereye circles are HOT.
5:20am: Blurgh. Argh. Grunt. Mr. Security Guard, is the Dunkin Donuts in the Mart open this early? Yes? Word.
5:23am: Hello Sarah. I see you every morning, along with Betty and the other fine DD folks. It's so much earlier than I usually show up. Yes, I'll have my usual order: medium, milk and sugar. SWEET NECTAR.
5:30am: Good morning, Staff Sergeant Justin Stellmacher! Thank you for driving me to Ottawa, home of Chicago Skydive and site of my jump. Hey, you're listening to the new Fall Out Boy CD! You love Green Day and Bad Religion? You just saw 311 on Saturday, and we were at the same Coldplay show last spring? Yes, we're going to get along just fine.
6:20am: It's raaaaaaining. It's pooooouring. The current radar is an ominously large green and yellow blob. Meh.
7:30am: Oh man, we're here! Time flies when you're discussing music, politics, and all the reasons why a Rhode Island girl and a California guy can fall in love with Chicago. The rain seems to have dissipated for now. Will it hold off? (Note: I already revealed that I jumped out of the plane, so the suspense seems like a moot point, but whatevs.)
8:15am: My fellow soon-to-be jumpers seem as anxious as me. I talk to Ginger, a social worker who helps troubled teens. She's a cheerful woman who has jumped once before, "a long time ago." It appears that we may have a couple no-shows because of the rain. Justin starts angling to take one of the empty spots.
8:35am: We file downstairs for waiver signing and training. Justin's in, and there's a delightfully goofy grin on his face. I know what our topic of conversation will be on the ride home...
8:45am: SFC Billy Van Soelen introduces himself and his men. He has been tandem team leader for the Golden Knights for over a decade, and he's the best there is. Billy V is a hilarious sparkplug of a man, red-faced and blond-haired, cracking jokes and dispensing information. "Comedy is a combination of sarcasm and truth," Billy V says. I like him immensely.
9:08am: We watch a video about the Knights. Hey, there's Billy V teaching CHUCK NORRIS how to fly tandem! The dark may be afraid of Chuck Norris, but even he needs help soaring through the air. Billy V is the man!
9:15am: We initial and sign, initial and sign, initial and sign. I try not to be rattled by the constant DEATH and INJURY that pepper the waivers. Of course it's dangerous. I'M JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE.
9:25am: There's a bit of a delay because of the rain, so we get the super deluxe lesson on our equipment. At one point, Billy V reveals that he gave this same lesson to President Bush. The three most important things during our minute of freefall: ARCH, relax and have fun. I try to imagine how hard it will be to do all three things at once while plummeting through the air. Ooh, there's the first butterfly sighting, somewhere near my small intestine.
9:55am: While we wait, I chat with Timothy, who works for WIND. He says, "You love Muse. I heard you talking about them during Lollapalooza weekend." Heh. Guilty as charged.
10:00am: Time to suit up! Bright yellow jumpsuit, snug leather helmet, even snugger plastic goggles. Billy V harnesses me up himself, and I learn that I'll be jumping with none other than the vaunted team leader. My butterfly spots a sunbeam illuminating a flower outside, and floats away.
10:15am: My videographer is Sergeant Major Michael Eitniear. He's a highly decorated soldier, one of only two Parachute Rigger Sergeant Majors in the Army, and he has jumped all over the world. He's also a member of the Golden Knights Command team. The Sergeant Major is a big deal, and he's with me. Now I don't even feel nervous.
10:25am: We're getting into our plane, the Twin Otter! It's me, Timothy, and Dirk from We Do Care in Barrington, along with our tandem jumpers and videographers. I'll admit that I ham it up for the Sergeant Major and his camera as we board.
10:30am: IN THE AIR OH WOW WE'RE FLYING AND IT'S LOUD AND OH WOW THEY JUST OPENED THE DOOR TO THE PLANE AND THERE'S THE GROUND GETTING FURTHER AWAY AND BILLY V IS SECURING ME TO HIM AND WE'RE CLIMBING AND CLIMBING AND IT'S LOUD AND I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER IF I RELAX OR ARCH FIRST AND THE SERGEANT MAJOR IS WISHING ME BLUE SKIES AND THE GROUND IS 13,500 FEET AWAY NOW AND I'M GRINNING AND REALIZING THAT THERE'S NO. BACKING. OUT.
10:35am: Feet on the edge. Billy V behind me. Eyes on the Sergeant Major. Don't look down. Deep breath. Big smile. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!!!
...arching my back as hard as I can... wind pushing up against me from below... spinning and smiling as Billy taps me to let go of the harnesses and relax my arms... the ground is a rapidly approaching blur of green and brown... I'm really flying... the Sergeant Major reaches out his hand... I grab and hold it as we fall together... the smile almost splits my face... and then he lets go, and the canopy opens...
10:36am: "AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" - Electra
After that we floated to the ground, and I childishly flung my arms around the man who's flown with presidents and action stars, and he told me that I did a great job with an "impeccable" arch, and I thought, "I want to do it again. AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN." I did not. But hopefully I will. The rest of the day was a happy daze: talking shop with Timothy in the hangar, greeting a whooping and hollering Justin right after he landed successfully, watching our videos, laughing at our goofy faces in mid-air and reliving our freshly made memories. I showered and passed out as soon I got home. Now I can't believe it all happened less than twelve hours ago.
Thanks:
The Golden Knights, for your guidance, your strength, your courage and your caring - Army Strong.
Staff Sergeant Justin Stellmacher, for the ride, the great conversation, and the bonding experience
Karen Moss, for organizing the day
Spike, for letting me have the day off
Dana, for filling in for me
My family and friends, especially my fellow "extreme hot bitch" Nicky, for their support and love
You, for reading!
4:30am: WHAT IS THAT INCESSANT CHIMING SOUND WHAT THE F- oh, that's my alarm. Why does it feel like I've woken up every hour since 11:30? Right, because I have. Man, those undereye circles are HOT.
5:20am: Blurgh. Argh. Grunt. Mr. Security Guard, is the Dunkin Donuts in the Mart open this early? Yes? Word.
5:23am: Hello Sarah. I see you every morning, along with Betty and the other fine DD folks. It's so much earlier than I usually show up. Yes, I'll have my usual order: medium, milk and sugar. SWEET NECTAR.
5:30am: Good morning, Staff Sergeant Justin Stellmacher! Thank you for driving me to Ottawa, home of Chicago Skydive and site of my jump. Hey, you're listening to the new Fall Out Boy CD! You love Green Day and Bad Religion? You just saw 311 on Saturday, and we were at the same Coldplay show last spring? Yes, we're going to get along just fine.
6:20am: It's raaaaaaining. It's pooooouring. The current radar is an ominously large green and yellow blob. Meh.
7:30am: Oh man, we're here! Time flies when you're discussing music, politics, and all the reasons why a Rhode Island girl and a California guy can fall in love with Chicago. The rain seems to have dissipated for now. Will it hold off? (Note: I already revealed that I jumped out of the plane, so the suspense seems like a moot point, but whatevs.)
8:15am: My fellow soon-to-be jumpers seem as anxious as me. I talk to Ginger, a social worker who helps troubled teens. She's a cheerful woman who has jumped once before, "a long time ago." It appears that we may have a couple no-shows because of the rain. Justin starts angling to take one of the empty spots.
8:35am: We file downstairs for waiver signing and training. Justin's in, and there's a delightfully goofy grin on his face. I know what our topic of conversation will be on the ride home...
8:45am: SFC Billy Van Soelen introduces himself and his men. He has been tandem team leader for the Golden Knights for over a decade, and he's the best there is. Billy V is a hilarious sparkplug of a man, red-faced and blond-haired, cracking jokes and dispensing information. "Comedy is a combination of sarcasm and truth," Billy V says. I like him immensely.
9:08am: We watch a video about the Knights. Hey, there's Billy V teaching CHUCK NORRIS how to fly tandem! The dark may be afraid of Chuck Norris, but even he needs help soaring through the air. Billy V is the man!
9:15am: We initial and sign, initial and sign, initial and sign. I try not to be rattled by the constant DEATH and INJURY that pepper the waivers. Of course it's dangerous. I'M JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE.
9:25am: There's a bit of a delay because of the rain, so we get the super deluxe lesson on our equipment. At one point, Billy V reveals that he gave this same lesson to President Bush. The three most important things during our minute of freefall: ARCH, relax and have fun. I try to imagine how hard it will be to do all three things at once while plummeting through the air. Ooh, there's the first butterfly sighting, somewhere near my small intestine.
9:55am: While we wait, I chat with Timothy, who works for WIND. He says, "You love Muse. I heard you talking about them during Lollapalooza weekend." Heh. Guilty as charged.
10:00am: Time to suit up! Bright yellow jumpsuit, snug leather helmet, even snugger plastic goggles. Billy V harnesses me up himself, and I learn that I'll be jumping with none other than the vaunted team leader. My butterfly spots a sunbeam illuminating a flower outside, and floats away.
10:15am: My videographer is Sergeant Major Michael Eitniear. He's a highly decorated soldier, one of only two Parachute Rigger Sergeant Majors in the Army, and he has jumped all over the world. He's also a member of the Golden Knights Command team. The Sergeant Major is a big deal, and he's with me. Now I don't even feel nervous.
10:25am: We're getting into our plane, the Twin Otter! It's me, Timothy, and Dirk from We Do Care in Barrington, along with our tandem jumpers and videographers. I'll admit that I ham it up for the Sergeant Major and his camera as we board.
10:30am: IN THE AIR OH WOW WE'RE FLYING AND IT'S LOUD AND OH WOW THEY JUST OPENED THE DOOR TO THE PLANE AND THERE'S THE GROUND GETTING FURTHER AWAY AND BILLY V IS SECURING ME TO HIM AND WE'RE CLIMBING AND CLIMBING AND IT'S LOUD AND I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER IF I RELAX OR ARCH FIRST AND THE SERGEANT MAJOR IS WISHING ME BLUE SKIES AND THE GROUND IS 13,500 FEET AWAY NOW AND I'M GRINNING AND REALIZING THAT THERE'S NO. BACKING. OUT.
10:35am: Feet on the edge. Billy V behind me. Eyes on the Sergeant Major. Don't look down. Deep breath. Big smile. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!!!
...arching my back as hard as I can... wind pushing up against me from below... spinning and smiling as Billy taps me to let go of the harnesses and relax my arms... the ground is a rapidly approaching blur of green and brown... I'm really flying... the Sergeant Major reaches out his hand... I grab and hold it as we fall together... the smile almost splits my face... and then he lets go, and the canopy opens...
10:36am: "AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" - Electra
After that we floated to the ground, and I childishly flung my arms around the man who's flown with presidents and action stars, and he told me that I did a great job with an "impeccable" arch, and I thought, "I want to do it again. AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN." I did not. But hopefully I will. The rest of the day was a happy daze: talking shop with Timothy in the hangar, greeting a whooping and hollering Justin right after he landed successfully, watching our videos, laughing at our goofy faces in mid-air and reliving our freshly made memories. I showered and passed out as soon I got home. Now I can't believe it all happened less than twelve hours ago.
Thanks:
The Golden Knights, for your guidance, your strength, your courage and your caring - Army Strong.
Staff Sergeant Justin Stellmacher, for the ride, the great conversation, and the bonding experience
Karen Moss, for organizing the day
Spike, for letting me have the day off
Dana, for filling in for me
My family and friends, especially my fellow "extreme hot bitch" Nicky, for their support and love
You, for reading!
Freeeee Faaaaaallin'
Morning. I'm off the air today because I'm going sky-diving. It's a tandem jump with the Golden Knights from the US Army. I am a nervous bundle of energy. I have promised to blog about it after I land: leave me a message or two of encouragement in the meantime?
Monday, August 06, 2007
Lollapalooza Love
Things I loved about Lollapalooza 2007:
- Seeing the Pearl Jam Ten Club show at the Vic on Thursday - especially singing along to the first ever performance of Eddie's Cubs song
- Seeing Pearl Jam's hits-heavy headlining set on Sunday night - especially when Eddie climbed onto Dennis Rodman's shoulders during the encore
- Realizing that I am one of only a handful of people who got to be at Pearl Jam's only two US shows this year
- Dancing and singing and generally being deliriously happy during Muse - thanks to Christian for being my partner in flailing crime and Dave for being quick with the camera
- Pulling off a "Tabitha Soren-quality" (according to Quiggles) interview with Perry Farrell
- Meeting, interviewing, and totally crushing on Lupe Fiasco
- Sharing beers and good conversation with old and new friends at Q101's Lupe Afterparty
- Learning the difference between a tuba and a sousaphone during the Roots
- "I will punch you in the throat... WITH MY MIND" (you had to be there)
- Telling the most vile and unrepeatable jokes imaginable with the Manno brothers in the Q101 tent
- Meeting a lot of wonderful listeners and Last Letter Game fans
- Not getting enough time to spend with the other two members of the triumverate or Ravey ("Pandas would outnumber people!")
- "Bringing Sweaty Back"
- Seeing that someone missed the seat in one of the porta-johns - and we're not talking about a stand-up job
- Waiting a whole year to do it all over again
- Probably my favorite Chicago Lollapalooza so far
- Please share your own memories in the comments
- Yes, I realize that it's been three million years since I've last blogged. It's been a busy and blurry summer for both work and personal reasons. I'm coming out of the fog now. Thanks for your patience.
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