You Must Have Been So High

"Bong Hits 4 Jesus!" That was the banner that got an Alaskan high school student suspended back in 2002, even though he hoisted it off school grounds. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the principal violated the student's free speech rights when she suspended him. The school prohibits the promotion of drug use on school grounds and apparently cracks down HARD... even when it's off school grounds, which is the issue at hand. Remember Kenneth Starr? Out of the kindness of his heart - in lawyer speak, pro bono - he has officially petitioned to take this free speech case all the way to the Supreme Court.

I don't think this student should have been suspended in the first place, so I think it's a waste of time for the Supreme Court to deal with this case. And yet - "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" mentioned ad nauseum in front of the Supreme Court??? Hilarious! And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so...


Pun-tastic! That wacky CNN: when its anchors aren't being stupid, it's not a bad little news network.

Jonny Stew and Mr. Truthiness Bring the Funny

During today's show, I mentioned Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's hilarious work at last night's Emmys. Sounds like lots of people thought they were the highlight of an otherwise dull and out-of-touch evening. I thought I'd be nice and provide you with the footage, thanks to YouTube. (To be honest, I didn't watch the Emmys. Any awards show that doesn't even recognize Hugh Laurie isn't worth my time. Also, I was on a plane coming home from my father and stepmom's wedding, and they are more important than ANY awards show.)



The hilarious Mr. Colbert may not have won that Emmy, but who needs a statue when you can be responsible for two of TV's biggest buzzwords? That sure beats a stupid golden idol worshipped by godless Sodomites.

Joey, Baby, Don't Get Crazy

There are too many kangaroos in Australia, and the government has a solution: birth-control pills! It's just a matter of finding a tasty and appealing food pellet into which a contraceptive can be stuffed, and then - instant kangaroo population control. Before you scoff at the idea, consider this statement from a local animal-rights activist:

In our nation's capital, it certainly isn't appropriate to kill our national symbol.

Damn straight! This is much more humane. And just think of the possibilities it opens up if successful...

• We could give Viagra to giant pandas, and help get those cute critters off the endangered species list!
• Or how about Ritalin for monkeys - only in zoos, of course: they wouldn't chitter so much or throw their poo at patrons!
• And of course, there's a certain pop tart with a dummy husband who needs help with "population control" - one who might be fooled by a contraceptive in that most tasty of food pellets, the Cheeto!

The possibilities are ENDLESS! Let's start writing prescriptions!!!

p.s. - Sarcasm is awesome.

Accidental Porn

Every once in a while, I screw up at my job. Nothing life-threatening, mind you. A wrong song, an incorrect fact, that sort of thing. Since I'm something of a control-freak/perfectionist, I have a hard time letting these mistakes go. Imagine the vise-like grip of a strong pair of puppy jaws on ham bone. It's like that, but with my mind.

So I can identify with the state broadcaster of Sweden, who accidentally showed porn to its viewers. Those in charge are probably feeling the shameful, guilty hangover that comes from one too many glasses of carelessness. I've nursed that hangover myself. Unfortunately, when I screw up, no one gets to see nudity. I'm working on that.

One Year Older

I turned 26 yesterday. It was a wonderful birthday, probably one of the best in years. I heard from plenty of friends and family, which always gives me the warm fuzzies. Alan gave me some lovely jewelry, sent flowers to work, AND took me out to a new restaurant for dinner. (Of course, he didn't have to do any of those things, since I am not into being spoiled, but he's perfect, so that's how he rolls.) Flatwater's location and decor are beautiful, but the service could use some work. Slow, slow, slow. The food though... awesome. Dinner included these amaaazing avocado and mango egg rolls. I am still drooling over how delicious they were.

Then there was the cake that Fook surprised me with:



Yes, it says "Have a Snarktacular Birthday." I thought it said "Snacktacular" at first. How wrong I was. Best cake ever!


Addendum: Well, and the penis cake was pretty good too. What penis cake, you say?



Oh, that one.

Go To Sleep

I'm at least a few years away from having children, but you can bet they'll be listening to these:

Baby Rock Records transforms timeless rock songs into beautiful instrumental lullabies, sending your little one to a slumberland of sweet dreams. Delicate instruments such as the glockenspiel, vibraphone, mellotron, harp and bells create a soothing atmosphere of sound. These charming recordings are sophisticated enough for everyone to enjoy, yet gentle enough for your little angel. This is cherub rock for a new generation.






Electra's dad's response: "anything to make a buck." I say, "man, 'No Surprises' on glockenspiel is totally worth $16.98!"


P.S. I found this on Stereogum, who found it through Pitchfork. It's important to give credit where credit is due. The kids will learn that.

Great Google-y Moogly!

Google is upset about the way people are using "google" as a verb. You've got to be kidding me. I remember reading that "to google," or to search online using Google, had won a place in the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. (Also included in the list of new words: "mouse-potato," or someone who sits in front of their computer all day. Never heard of it.) Now Google's mad - and taking legal action - because people are just using "google" to define any online search. Oh, the trademark violation HORROR! From a Google spokesman:

"We think it's important to make the distinction between using the word Google to describe using Google to search the internet, and using the word Google to describe searching the internet.

It's not Merriam-Webster's, but dictionary.com says:

im·por·tant - adj.

1. Strongly affecting the course of events or the nature of things; significant

Yep, nothing says "significant" like bickering over the definition of a made-up word. Google's stock just dropped with me.

Gurgle, Gurgle

This is the sort of thing that piques my interest. "This" is a "water-gurgling tree" in Texas. And this comes from the above article about said water-gurgling tree:

Lucille Pope has started to wonder if the water has special properties. Her insurance agent dabbed drops of the water on a spider bite and the welt went away, she said.

"I just want to know if it is a healing tree or blessed water," she said.

Besides being bizarre, mildly alarming and oh, not at all possible, this sounds like a subplot straight out of one of my role-playing games. I feel like I had to find the magic water-gurgling tree to cure someone who had been turned to stone once. Man, I sure hope some Chocobos show up next. Ooh, or a Moogle! Kupo!

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String

Here are a few of my favorite things right now:

Vietnamese coffee
Fables Vol. 1 (the next few installments are on their way)
Blufr.com
lovely summer weather
Crimes Against Logic
sleep
My city

Last Lollapapost

I've had the last two days off to recover from working at Lollapalooza. It was one of the more fun weekends in recent memory. If I had to pick one absolute highlight from each day, I would say...

Friday: The Raconteurs
Saturday: meeting Wayne Coyne
Sunday: Talking to a very grateful listener who had won tickets from me, been upgraded to the Lolla Lounge thanks to Q101, and watched the Flaming Lips next to Gnarls Barkley

Other top highlights: Death Cab for Cutie, hearing a beautiful version of my favorite Broken Social Scene song, our backstage She Wants Revenge performance, hearing DJ Dummy work turntable magic during Common's set, SmartWater and Sweet Leaf Tea, getting hugged by Jared Leto, meeting the minds behind Pop Candy and Stereogum, having the very best photographer ever capture both of my main stage intros, and being happy and goofy with my co-workers and three of my best friends.



And that's all I have to say about that.

More Lollapapictures

Probably easier to spot me in this one. Sorry for the ego shot, but I'm just so geeked to have introduced Queens of the Stone Age on stage AND on a Jumbotron in front of so many people. Other things to spot: a certain actor on top of the Q101 stage, Museykins signage, and a very happy Matisyahu. Oh, and a night-vision picture of three lovely ladies who were NOT pleased with the Chili Peppers.

Lollapafinale

Lollapalooza kicked my ass. I had such an incredible time this weekend. Today I enjoyed Queens of the Stone Age, Broken Social Scene, Matisyahu, She Wants Revenge, Hot Chip, and more. However, I'm totally bummed out about two things: the poor, poor sound at the Shins and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' short-on-hits festival-ending set. My friends and I decided that Kanye should have been given the final slot. He was out to impress last night. Kanye brought all kinds of friends on stage and gave a performance that was exuberant, cocky and damn entertaining. Meanwhile, the Chili Peppers should have brought stamps, since they totally mailed it in. (Yes, I shouted something like that loudly and drunkenly after they wrapped things up tonight. I also left myself a voice memo on my cell phone repeating Flea's final words to the crowd: "love is the answer. Everything else is pussy-ass bullshit." I am extremely funny.)

I've got more pics to share tomorrow. I need to sleep now. I also need to wash my feet. There's Grant Park all over them.

Some Lollapapictures

Can you find me?

It's been an amazing time so far. Two of my closest college friends are here. I've gotten to meet and interview some cool people, including Wayne Coyne and Jared Leto. I ran into someone whose blog I love backstage this afternoon. And then there's the bands... Ryan Adams, Raconteurs, Death Cab, Coheed and Cambria, Common, Kanye and more. I've seen not one, but TWO covers of "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley - not to mention their own show at the House of Blues pre-party Thursday night. More pics tomorrow... if I'm still standing when Lollapalooza is over.

Summer and Lightning

Just got back from the Last Band Standing finals at Double Door. I'm sweaty and sticky. I smell like smoke. I'm very, very proud of Chicago's own the Cankles for being voted onto Lollapalooza, and I'm happy to have met the terribly clever ToneDeff, who will be performing at Lollapalooza as well.

Most of all, I'm happy about tonight's torrential rain (which I got soaked in) and incredible lightning show (which I'm watching right now), since they both mean it won't feel like 110 degrees at Lolla this weekend. Thaaaaaaaank god.



Kind of blurry, but you get the point. And now it's nap time... gotta get up for radio goodness in just a few hours. Goodnight.

Girls and Their Gadgets

Time for another survey about the ladies! This one says that women like gadgets more than jewelry. Apparently three out of four woman would rather have a plasma TV than a diamond necklace. Well, duh. You can't watch Lost on a necklace! Mmm, Sawyer. Mmm, shirtless Sawyer. Mmm. Almost nine in ten women would rather have a digital camera than designer shoes, and more than half would rather have the TV than a weekend trip to Florida. I bet that number would have been different if the research company had chosen a vacation destination that wasn't buggy, muggy, and full of old people and amusement parks.

It shouldn't be a surprise that I'm much more of a tech girl than a glamour girl. My PowerBook and my iPod are two of my top three prized possessions. Why aren't either of them #1 on the list? Because of a stuffed sheep that my dad gave me for Valentine's Day in 1985, that's why. I'm not ashamed. Not the point: if I'm going to pay that kind of money for something, I want it to be useful. No matter how cute those $200 espadrilles are, they can't help me listen to music, send e-mail or take pictures. (The espadrilles pictured, while not all that cute, DO cost $195. Gross.) I guess more and more women feel the same way.