Cousin Eddie Wants More Scratch

Randy Quaid is pissed. He's suing the makers of Brokeback Mountain for $10 million because he was allegedly told he'd been cast in a "low-budget, art-house movie with no prospect of making money." Naturally, now that Brokeback Mountain has... MADE MONEY, Quaid wants more of it. Since I read an Entertainment Weekly article back in December where he said "I just really loved Annie Proulx's story, and I'm glad Ang offered me this role 'cause the whole project has a special place for me," I'm a little confused about where this is coming from. So let's break down all the things wrong with this scenario, shall we:

1) It's Randy Quaid we're talking about. While once an award-winning character actor of depth and range, a few of his most notable projects of the last ten years include: Not Another Teen Movie, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure, The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (anyone else sensing a theme?), Treasure Island Kids: The Battle for Treasure Island, a failed television series called "The Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire, and, I kid you not, The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns. Oh sure, there's a few decent movies on the list from recent years, but not nearly enough to outweigh the stinkers. Mr. Quaid should be grateful that Brokeback raised his profile back up a notch or two and provided a respite from his track record of putrid movies with clunky, easily mockable names.

2) Randy Quaid's performance in Brokeback Mountain lasts, from what I can remember, no more than ten minutes. His character is the catalyst for the love story, since he's the one who puts Ennis and Jack up on the mountain to herd sheep together, but it's hardly a meaty role. He's just about the last person from the cast who should be complaining about being screwed monetarily. Whatever he was paid was probably too much, considering the amount of screentime he had - even if he did once win an Emmy.

3) Lots of "art-house" movies go on to make more money than expected worldwide after the impassioned performances of the underpaid and unknown actors garner recognition at awards shows. As I pointed out above, Randy Quaid was NOT one of the actors doing such work in Brokeback. He shows some annoyance and scorn and cold dismissal in his five or ten minutes, but it's hardly Dame Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love. Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle "Now I'll never have to be known as Jen from Dawson's Creek again" Williams, and especially Heath Ledger made Brokeback so beautiful and moving. Oh yeah, and those beautiful shots of the Wyoming mountains didn't hurt either. It's easy to look at the finished product and its results ($160 million worldwide, not Star Wars numbers but a modest success) and say, "hey, I was in Midnight Express! I'm a force of nature too! I want some more money!" Which brings me to my final point...

4) This lawsuit, if successful, could pave the way for dozens of other actors to file lawsuits against filmmakers for underpaying them when a labor of love becomes something much larger and more moving. That would be a horrible blow to an already limping film industry. Some critics griped that this year's Best Picture nominees read like the Independent Spirit Awards. But I loved Crash, and Good Night, and Good Luck, and yes, Brokeback Mountain. Personally, I'd much rather watch something like those films than anything involving National Lampoon and a vacation. Randy Quaid shouldn't win this lawsuit. And even if he does, I can safely say this whole thing has killed my desire to ever watch Kingpin. (Sorry, Josh.)